Don't worry

Still no news from the doctors about the blood tests and screening from last Tuesday. Despite my rantings and fears from last week (and before) I actually feel more at peace with the whole thing.
Simon comes across as blasé but I know he means just don't get het up about something unlikely.
Regarding me, I have heard quoted by several different people the whole, 'don't worry' verses from the Bible. One guy talked about the fact that all the time you are worrying about something you aren't actually listening, and if you aren't listening, how are you going to hear God's voice?
Also, what it is, is what it is. As the Good Book also says, 'who can add one more day to his life by worrying?' In the same way I assume that I can't change the health of my kids by worrying either.
Leave all your worries with him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

Simon comes home

Simon came home this evening, so, as agreed, we told the children. They were all very excited (phew). Isabel checked that she would not have to share a room (nightmare), Jonathan kept chuckling and saying 'really? really?'
I will ring mum tonight so that the children can tell their friends at the International Fair tomorrow.
Although I hate telling people (so embarrassing - Jonathan asked out loud when daddy and I had our special cuddle - oooooh), it will be nice to be able to start wearing more comfortable clothes and pretending not to be out of breath when I feel like passing out, or pretending that I always eat nine Mars bars a day.

No News

Well the doc didn't ring today. Tomorrow is Isabel's sports day and the surgery is only open until 12pm so I don't suppose I will find out tomorrow (unless I ring them).
Simon says not to worry about it. He said something like, 'There's not much difference between 1 in 500 and 1 in 200; they are both unlikely.' I don't know if he really thinks that or if he is just too mentally occupied with the meetings he has in the US or the ironing of his shirts in the morning.
What I want really, of course, is for the doctor to ring me and say, 'There is zero chance of anything being wrong with your baby, of any nature, ever.' That would be a statistic worth hearing.

Images

Forgot you might like to see some snapshots...

This is me, arching my back, admittedly, but I am also sucking my stomach muscles in as best I can and taking the picture myself at arm's length with a camera that's broken...










This is an artist's representation (OK, web printout) of the actual size of our baby today (I scaled up/down until I got 6.4cm CRL) compared to my very own palm...





And this is the wee bairn... looking much like a bean or a potato...

13week Scan

Actually it was 12 weeks plus 6 days - but who's counting?

Saw baby on screen and have a print out so it's certainly not a tumour, or at least, not only a tumour...

Singleton baby so no need to worry about having to dispose of brand new eight seater car and buy some old Maidstone&District green number...

Saw two arms and two legs plus spine and ribs so it is reasonably human in form. It was waving its arms around randomly in front of its face so I don't know if that is an omen about the disabled guy in the video on Sunday... hopefully not... also did see a mentally ill woman leaving gyn office with her helper, screaming because she did not want to (or was afraid to) walk down the three steps to the pavement.

Had my blood taken for the PAPP-A and free-HCG. Results should be back on Thursday or Friday. The odds of a Downs baby at my age is 1:380. Gynae woman said that when the odds come back they will be in that range as the age of the woman is a large factor in the calculation (the two hormone levels, the nuchal translucency measurement, my age and the baby's Crown-To-Rump length). She said when the figures come back we can either take them as they are (1:200 is a 199 chance that the baby will not have Downs') or compared to the result just for my age (Oh dear, my odds are even worse than the average for my age...)

The measurement for NT was 1.71, 1.71 and 1.73 which is within the normal range. If I was a younger woman then the odds would be good...

So I am none the wiser or more assured, really. Obviously I am assured that the baby is not grossly malformed, although 13 week scans are largely poor quality (in my opinion).

Simon is pleased and overly reassuring, obviously, because he is a man.

But at least I am definitely pregnant, and not eating confectionary in gross volumes for nothing.

T minus 1

I have my first scan tomorrow. I am terrified. I am fatter now so clearly I have a baby inside or a tumour and either way a doctor needs to see it. Other women are staring at me out of the corners of their eyes in the playground now. I spent much of my time clutching my bag to my stomach or holding Christopher over it.
Yesterday at church the pastor showed a video of a boy who, through accident at birth, was disabled and unable to talk or walk or control his muscles himself. He was in one of those wheelchairs with the head support etc. At some point in his teens he decided he wanted to run and so his father entered a race and pushed him round. Thus began their journey of competing in sporting events together: marathons, triathlons, all sorts with adapted machinery, the boy being the will and the dad the body. It was meant to be inspiring and a testament to working together etc but I just became cold with fear. I really don't think I am that strong or able to look after someone who has so many needs. So I sat in the service worrying about all kinds of deformities in this unborn child. Every birth defect I have ever heard of. Needless to say I felt/feel horribly guilty for feeling this way...
Told Simon of my fears and he did the reassuring man thing. Don't worry. Can't change anything. Unlikely. Four healthy children. Blah blah blah. My point though is having four healthy children more likely to produce an unhealthy one this time? Not that we can do anything about that.
So tomorrow I have my blood taken for the PAPP2 or PAPP-A screen (can't remember it's exact name) and then the scan of the baby. Dr Gerber will then give me a chance of Down's Syndrome for this pregnancy, given my vast age and some measurements of the bairn.
Simon flew to the US this morning, so I have had to ask my friend Annie to look after Christopher as I can't take him with me. Simon is back on Friday. Even though he has an all day meeting tomorrow I have told him that if he forgets that I have a scan I will hate him. He said, 'No pressure, then.'
I just have to pray that the baby is healthy etc and if he/she is not that I/we will be strong enough to deal with it all. Honestly, who would have children? It's an emotional nightmare.

Fat

OK, I've gone from moaning about not showing at all and fears surrounding the reason that might be, to looking obese. Clearly, I still do not look pregnant unless I lean back excessively with a pained expression on my face and a hand held lamely to my lumber region, but I do look overweight. Now in addition to the thighs the size of France, I have a belly. I look as though I have eaten too many pies. Which I have. I look remarkably similar to someone who has spent the last two months stopping at every petrol station to buy Mars bars and then eating them before the next petrol station in order to be able to get out and buy Snickers. Which I (largely) also have. Largaely being the optimum word.
I have had to go through my wardrobe (to prevent depression) and remove all clothes that are "suddenly" too snug. These are mostly blouses and skirts that I don't wear anyway. The blouses are not too tight around the bosum area (that would be normal); oh no, my blouses are too tight around the upper midriff. The actual anatomical stomach region. Is that baby? Clearly, not. It is burgers and pies and chocolate.
Hence, I can still wear my trousers (apart from the thighs and buttocks thing). I am not pregnant: I have a tumor.

Who's mental?

OK, I should be bathing the children. It is a school night, afterall and 6:30pm. However, I have been (instead) surfing the net with the phrase 'pregnant with my fifth child and barely showing'. Specific, I know. But I panic more as the days go by. I am SURE with Christopher I was massive. Admittedly, once I became massive I then didn't increase in size much for a long while. It can't all have been constipation and water retention...
Anyhow, in my search on The Google I found the following article:
http://jinjee1.securesites.net/kidsblog/
Check it out. I was beginning to doubt my sanity. Now I know that either (a) I am not alone in my madness or (b) there are wackier people than me around.
In two weeks I find out whether or not I am actually pregnant by u/s.

What is wrong with my memory?

I still think I may be making this pregnancy up. I mean, I think I was about 8 weeks with Christopher when Jonathan broke his leg and I remember not being able to fit into my usual summer clothes (it was July). I had to buy a new dress for the wedding and Anne reported later that she thought I was pregnant because my waist was so thick. Mum said she thought I was just bloated from a very heavy period (nice). Either way there were clearly physical changes present.
This time. Not. I can't fit into the jeans I bought at Christmas but they were pretty tight... Other trousers are OK but maybe I bought them post partum with Christopher - I don't know.
I just feel stupid and I can't remember how 'ill' I felt (morning sickness etc) with Isabel as it was nine years ago.
Is amnesia a pregnancy symptom?

Ten and a half weeks

Anne and Rod are here and no one has asked any difficult questions. Of course, they retain the right to use the 'Oh, I thought you were!' card when they are told about our gestational news. That is what they always say.

The house is so clean it barely resembles our home.

I upset Anne yesterday night by suggesting I made a salad when she wanted to have bits on plates. Simon and I have decided that it is akin to having two extra children. They are forever going on about things. But I will not repeat the complaints here.

Still don't feel very pregnant. I am not giant.
But I do have spots. And do I.
I am not excessively nauseous. Although I have a little nausea. I am eating a lot but maybe I always want to eat a lot but don't normally allow myself to feel hungry?
I have reduced my chocolate intake since last post with no ill side effects.
I am tired. But not exhausted.

I got a bill today for lab work. It was over 200CHF and some of the tests were antibody tests. Do I assume that they would have done some kind of HCG test routinely and thus would tell Dr Gerber if her pregnant patient was not pregnant?

I wish I knew for sure.