Still no news from the doctors about the blood tests and screening from last Tuesday. Despite my rantings and fears from last week (and before) I actually feel more at peace with the whole thing.
Simon comes across as blasé but I know he means just don't get het up about something unlikely.
Regarding me, I have heard quoted by several different people the whole, 'don't worry' verses from the Bible. One guy talked about the fact that all the time you are worrying about something you aren't actually listening, and if you aren't listening, how are you going to hear God's voice?
Also, what it is, is what it is. As the Good Book also says, 'who can add one more day to his life by worrying?' In the same way I assume that I can't change the health of my kids by worrying either.
Leave all your worries with him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
Tuesday, 27 May 2008
Friday, 23 May 2008
Simon comes home
Simon came home this evening, so, as agreed, we told the children. They were all very excited (phew). Isabel checked that she would not have to share a room (nightmare), Jonathan kept chuckling and saying 'really? really?'
I will ring mum tonight so that the children can tell their friends at the International Fair tomorrow.
Although I hate telling people (so embarrassing - Jonathan asked out loud when daddy and I had our special cuddle - oooooh), it will be nice to be able to start wearing more comfortable clothes and pretending not to be out of breath when I feel like passing out, or pretending that I always eat nine Mars bars a day.
I will ring mum tonight so that the children can tell their friends at the International Fair tomorrow.
Although I hate telling people (so embarrassing - Jonathan asked out loud when daddy and I had our special cuddle - oooooh), it will be nice to be able to start wearing more comfortable clothes and pretending not to be out of breath when I feel like passing out, or pretending that I always eat nine Mars bars a day.
Thursday, 22 May 2008
No News
Well the doc didn't ring today. Tomorrow is Isabel's sports day and the surgery is only open until 12pm so I don't suppose I will find out tomorrow (unless I ring them).
Simon says not to worry about it. He said something like, 'There's not much difference between 1 in 500 and 1 in 200; they are both unlikely.' I don't know if he really thinks that or if he is just too mentally occupied with the meetings he has in the US or the ironing of his shirts in the morning.
What I want really, of course, is for the doctor to ring me and say, 'There is zero chance of anything being wrong with your baby, of any nature, ever.' That would be a statistic worth hearing.
Simon says not to worry about it. He said something like, 'There's not much difference between 1 in 500 and 1 in 200; they are both unlikely.' I don't know if he really thinks that or if he is just too mentally occupied with the meetings he has in the US or the ironing of his shirts in the morning.
What I want really, of course, is for the doctor to ring me and say, 'There is zero chance of anything being wrong with your baby, of any nature, ever.' That would be a statistic worth hearing.
Tuesday, 20 May 2008
Images
Forgot you might like to see some snapshots...
This is me, arching my back, admittedly, but I am also sucking my stomach muscles in as best I can and taking the picture myself at arm's length with a camera that's broken...
This is an artist's representation (OK, web printout) of the actual size of our baby today (I scaled up/down until I got 6.4cm CRL) compared to my very own palm...
And this is the wee bairn... looking much like a bean or a potato...
This is me, arching my back, admittedly, but I am also sucking my stomach muscles in as best I can and taking the picture myself at arm's length with a camera that's broken... This is an artist's representation (OK, web printout) of the actual size of our baby today (I scaled up/down until I got 6.4cm CRL) compared to my very own palm...And this is the wee bairn... looking much like a bean or a potato...
13week Scan
Actually it was 12 weeks plus 6 days - but who's counting?
Saw baby on screen and have a print out so it's certainly not a tumour, or at least, not only a tumour...
Singleton baby so no need to worry about having to dispose of brand new eight seater car and buy some old Maidstone&District green number...
Saw two arms and two legs plus spine and ribs so it is reasonably human in form. It was waving its arms around randomly in front of its face so I don't know if that is an omen about the disabled guy in the video on Sunday... hopefully not... also did see a mentally ill woman leaving gyn office with her helper, screaming because she did not want to (or was afraid to) walk down the three steps to the pavement.
Had my blood taken for the PAPP-A and free-HCG. Results should be back on Thursday or Friday. The odds of a Downs baby at my age is 1:380. Gynae woman said that when the odds come back they will be in that range as the age of the woman is a large factor in the calculation (the two hormone levels, the nuchal translucency measurement, my age and the baby's Crown-To-Rump length). She said when the figures come back we can either take them as they are (1:200 is a 199 chance that the baby will not have Downs') or compared to the result just for my age (Oh dear, my odds are even worse than the average for my age...)
The measurement for NT was 1.71, 1.71 and 1.73 which is within the normal range. If I was a younger woman then the odds would be good...
So I am none the wiser or more assured, really. Obviously I am assured that the baby is not grossly malformed, although 13 week scans are largely poor quality (in my opinion).
Simon is pleased and overly reassuring, obviously, because he is a man.
But at least I am definitely pregnant, and not eating confectionary in gross volumes for nothing.
Saw baby on screen and have a print out so it's certainly not a tumour, or at least, not only a tumour...
Singleton baby so no need to worry about having to dispose of brand new eight seater car and buy some old Maidstone&District green number...
Saw two arms and two legs plus spine and ribs so it is reasonably human in form. It was waving its arms around randomly in front of its face so I don't know if that is an omen about the disabled guy in the video on Sunday... hopefully not... also did see a mentally ill woman leaving gyn office with her helper, screaming because she did not want to (or was afraid to) walk down the three steps to the pavement.
Had my blood taken for the PAPP-A and free-HCG. Results should be back on Thursday or Friday. The odds of a Downs baby at my age is 1:380. Gynae woman said that when the odds come back they will be in that range as the age of the woman is a large factor in the calculation (the two hormone levels, the nuchal translucency measurement, my age and the baby's Crown-To-Rump length). She said when the figures come back we can either take them as they are (1:200 is a 199 chance that the baby will not have Downs') or compared to the result just for my age (Oh dear, my odds are even worse than the average for my age...)
The measurement for NT was 1.71, 1.71 and 1.73 which is within the normal range. If I was a younger woman then the odds would be good...
So I am none the wiser or more assured, really. Obviously I am assured that the baby is not grossly malformed, although 13 week scans are largely poor quality (in my opinion).
Simon is pleased and overly reassuring, obviously, because he is a man.
But at least I am definitely pregnant, and not eating confectionary in gross volumes for nothing.
Monday, 19 May 2008
T minus 1
I have my first scan tomorrow. I am terrified. I am fatter now so clearly I have a baby inside or a tumour and either way a doctor needs to see it. Other women are staring at me out of the corners of their eyes in the playground now. I spent much of my time clutching my bag to my stomach or holding Christopher over it.
Yesterday at church the pastor showed a video of a boy who, through accident at birth, was disabled and unable to talk or walk or control his muscles himself. He was in one of those wheelchairs with the head support etc. At some point in his teens he decided he wanted to run and so his father entered a race and pushed him round. Thus began their journey of competing in sporting events together: marathons, triathlons, all sorts with adapted machinery, the boy being the will and the dad the body. It was meant to be inspiring and a testament to working together etc but I just became cold with fear. I really don't think I am that strong or able to look after someone who has so many needs. So I sat in the service worrying about all kinds of deformities in this unborn child. Every birth defect I have ever heard of. Needless to say I felt/feel horribly guilty for feeling this way...
Told Simon of my fears and he did the reassuring man thing. Don't worry. Can't change anything. Unlikely. Four healthy children. Blah blah blah. My point though is having four healthy children more likely to produce an unhealthy one this time? Not that we can do anything about that.
So tomorrow I have my blood taken for the PAPP2 or PAPP-A screen (can't remember it's exact name) and then the scan of the baby. Dr Gerber will then give me a chance of Down's Syndrome for this pregnancy, given my vast age and some measurements of the bairn.
Simon flew to the US this morning, so I have had to ask my friend Annie to look after Christopher as I can't take him with me. Simon is back on Friday. Even though he has an all day meeting tomorrow I have told him that if he forgets that I have a scan I will hate him. He said, 'No pressure, then.'
I just have to pray that the baby is healthy etc and if he/she is not that I/we will be strong enough to deal with it all. Honestly, who would have children? It's an emotional nightmare.
Yesterday at church the pastor showed a video of a boy who, through accident at birth, was disabled and unable to talk or walk or control his muscles himself. He was in one of those wheelchairs with the head support etc. At some point in his teens he decided he wanted to run and so his father entered a race and pushed him round. Thus began their journey of competing in sporting events together: marathons, triathlons, all sorts with adapted machinery, the boy being the will and the dad the body. It was meant to be inspiring and a testament to working together etc but I just became cold with fear. I really don't think I am that strong or able to look after someone who has so many needs. So I sat in the service worrying about all kinds of deformities in this unborn child. Every birth defect I have ever heard of. Needless to say I felt/feel horribly guilty for feeling this way...
Told Simon of my fears and he did the reassuring man thing. Don't worry. Can't change anything. Unlikely. Four healthy children. Blah blah blah. My point though is having four healthy children more likely to produce an unhealthy one this time? Not that we can do anything about that.
So tomorrow I have my blood taken for the PAPP2 or PAPP-A screen (can't remember it's exact name) and then the scan of the baby. Dr Gerber will then give me a chance of Down's Syndrome for this pregnancy, given my vast age and some measurements of the bairn.
Simon flew to the US this morning, so I have had to ask my friend Annie to look after Christopher as I can't take him with me. Simon is back on Friday. Even though he has an all day meeting tomorrow I have told him that if he forgets that I have a scan I will hate him. He said, 'No pressure, then.'
I just have to pray that the baby is healthy etc and if he/she is not that I/we will be strong enough to deal with it all. Honestly, who would have children? It's an emotional nightmare.
Sunday, 11 May 2008
Fat
OK, I've gone from moaning about not showing at all and fears surrounding the reason that might be, to looking obese. Clearly, I still do not look pregnant unless I lean back excessively with a pained expression on my face and a hand held lamely to my lumber region, but I do look overweight. Now in addition to the thighs the size of France, I have a belly. I look as though I have eaten too many pies. Which I have. I look remarkably similar to someone who has spent the last two months stopping at every petrol station to buy Mars bars and then eating them before the next petrol station in order to be able to get out and buy Snickers. Which I (largely) also have. Largaely being the optimum word.
I have had to go through my wardrobe (to prevent depression) and remove all clothes that are "suddenly" too snug. These are mostly blouses and skirts that I don't wear anyway. The blouses are not too tight around the bosum area (that would be normal); oh no, my blouses are too tight around the upper midriff. The actual anatomical stomach region. Is that baby? Clearly, not. It is burgers and pies and chocolate.
Hence, I can still wear my trousers (apart from the thighs and buttocks thing). I am not pregnant: I have a tumor.
I have had to go through my wardrobe (to prevent depression) and remove all clothes that are "suddenly" too snug. These are mostly blouses and skirts that I don't wear anyway. The blouses are not too tight around the bosum area (that would be normal); oh no, my blouses are too tight around the upper midriff. The actual anatomical stomach region. Is that baby? Clearly, not. It is burgers and pies and chocolate.
Hence, I can still wear my trousers (apart from the thighs and buttocks thing). I am not pregnant: I have a tumor.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)